Having the Nerve

Walking away when you feel at the top of your game

Yeah, let me fill you in.

Humbling, gratifying, heart-wrenching are just a few words to describe the past few months. I can confidently say there are simply not enough words to describe the contortion I have let my soul go through this season.

I have dissembled everything that I thought I knew.

You probably opened this post thinking that you would read about why I decided to leave SoulCycle, what’s next for me, and why I (once again) left something that seemed like a perfectly fine job.

Don’t worry, we will get to all of that.

But here’s what’s important for me, on the last day of 2025, to admit to you:

I am scared. I am scared of my own potential. I am scared of what I could possibly do, what I could possibly achieve, if I let myself be seen.

The truth is, when it comes to SoulCycle, with deep humility and gratitude: I have never felt more at the top of my teaching game. I am proud of my dedication. I am proud of all of the classes I showed up for when I didn’t want to. And every time I could’ve repeated a playlist for class (no one would’ve known!), but didn’t. For showing up on time, for each and every class, to set the space and welcome people into the studio. You get the point.

I have never felt more creative in my cuing as a teacher, and I absolutely can go into a juicy, hypnotic flow state when I craft playlists. I left SoulCycle feeling like the last couple of classes were genuinely some of the best classes that I have ever taught.

And that’s why I had to leave.

I had to leave because I knew, at my core, that I am still a student. I still have so much more to do, so much more to learn, and so much more to grow. The past couple of months, I’ve been immersed in a training that has absolutely rocked me to my core. It has shaken up everything I know about what it means to be a space holder and how to create an experience from the Self for the greater good.

It has brought me to my knees.

It is exactly what I was asking for.

To leave something that I have never felt more proud of feels a little fucked up. A part of me hates it. “Why leave something you’ve put all of your time into getting so good at?” Not to be dramatic, but at times it can feel like dumping a piece of art you’ve been working on for 6 years straight into the trash.

Here’s what’s important:

I saw what I could do in that room, and that’s what matters. I knew that I was proud of the experience I could offer. No one else had to be proud, but me. I knew how much devotion, how much integrity, passion and consistency I put into it. No one else had to know.

Because I know, that in time, they will know. But that’s missing the entire point.

The entire point is that SoulCycle gave me a place to grow, to experiment, to play. It was all for me, in the end. Even though the countless hours of playlisting, waking up before the sun, ignoring injuries and prolonged hormonal imbalances — it was for me to witness myself in deep devotion to what I believed in.

As someone who previously identified as a quitter, I am proud of my consistency. I am proud of what I created and how I showed up. I am proud of closing this chapter so that I can step into the next chapter with the same amount of devotion and reverence to the next pursuit.

This chapter will be rich with learning how to adapt to a new, more aligned endeavor. I’m ready. I’m a little scared, but I now know that persistence, devotion, passion and faith creates deserving power. I hope you will follow along.

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There are some practical details that I can share. Here is where I’ll be and how we can stay connected:

I’m excited to mention that I’m going back to school for graphic design at Shillington. I have my Bachelor’s in Graphic Design and technically have a minor in Technology, Art and Media. This is naturally where I feel inspired, however, I decided to jump right into my fitness career right after school, so I’m delighted to dive back into my ‘roots’. ;)

Being honest: creative direction, art direction, brand strategy and content creation is where my heart feels really inspired right now.

I’m following that call. I am genuinely so, so excited.

I have a few clients right now that are lighting my soul on fire, and I truly feel in love with. If it wasn’t for them, I don’t know if it would be as easy to make this transition.

If you wanna work together in a similar container, I’ve got one more project that I can take on before March, when I leave for retreat with The Space Between. Which, I’m pretty sure has a couple of spots still available, if you want to be the last taker, I know you will not regret it.

Send me a message on Insta or feel free to book time with me on my website. I would love nothing more than to create with you.

In evolution with you always,
J